How To Maneuver the Holidays When You Grow Up With A Dysfunctional Family | Episode 41

How do we NOT get swept into all the dysfunction and drama from our family? 

Do we just “peace out” with toxic family members during this time? What if your family is just difficult at best, but not toxic? Ugh, just thinking about the holidays of my childhood makes me want to sweat right now. 

I recently watched The Bear Season 2 Episode 6: Fishes. And let me tell you, in this particular episode, their mom (played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who I think deserves an Oscar, Emmy, or something for her part.) SHE. NAILED. IT. She is a drunk, crazy depressed, and over the top cooking like a madwoman in the kitchen AND refusing help from any of the adult children INCLUDING her chef son! My girls actually said to me “you may or may not want to watch this one mom, it may bring up some triggers for you!” 

It was hard to watch but it was such a great episode of how some holidays can be, let’s say, untraditional. 

You need to find that sweet spot of enjoying your holiday season while still being around difficult people (namely your relatives!) Here are some questions I would ask yourself: 

1. Is there a parent who plays the martyr in the family? How do you react to that?

2. Is there something you can contribute to help ease the stress off the person hosting?

3. Can you be free to take a walk if things get too heavy, so you can deep breathe and talk to yourself to calm yourself down?

4. Can you be the change that can start new traditions either with your original family or with your new family (meaning husband, children etc.) 

Remember that playing the victim is never an option. Either speak it out or get out and start something new! Try to check in with trusted friends also and try to do something with them in between the big holiday moments. 

Remember it’s a time of giving and joy, don’t let anyone take that away from you!

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.